I’m swiping left on dating apps.
A few days ago, I found myself creating a dating profile for the 1000th time. The truth is, I knew it wasn’t going to work for me anymore yet I still held hope that it may be different. Despite my uneasiness, I tapped “sign up”. What I found was exactly what I thought I might - emptiness. It just felt hollow. How can the walls still echo in a room full of people? It was as if I had to create a profile to know that it was time to let go.
So I thought what better way to commemorate the end of an era by reliving some of the greatest dates of all time. Ok, they weren’t all that great but there were definitely some that stood out over others. Not always in a charming way. Mostly in an entertaining way. I started writing thinking I’d talk about many of those experiences but ended up just landing on one.
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It was about a year ago when I met someone for coffee at a cozy cafe in Decatur, GA. I was in town for an apartment tour. If I’ve learned one thing with dating, it’s to make it convenient. Especially if you don’t know the person at all. It was nearing the end of my online dating adventures when I finally learned that lesson.
Anyway I met this man for a coffee date. It was great but we both knew we’d probably never see each other again. It was refreshing to sense that and not fight it. The nerves faded quickly. The hour was clear of expectations and we just presently enjoyed each other. He was going through a breakup and I had my own stuff I was working through. We bounced ideas off each other, we shared hurts, we laughed, we listened. I think we cried at one point. Whatever it was - we met at the right time. This is what I love about life, I always have. We meet people along the way that end up helping us in ways we can’t explain. The moments are brief but the feelings and words inextricably linger.
I remember this date took place after I had submitted an application to be the photographer at the Bacardi Invitational Regatta. This is one of the world’s premier sailing events held in Miami. It attracts the best of the best sailors from around the world every year. And I emailed the organizer offering my services to photograph the event. Did I own a camera? No. I had an iPhone 7 and I was feeling fully alive. Fearless. I thought, “If they say yes, I’ll figure it out.” Then a few days later, I received an email.
I was secretly hoping they’d say yes and I was also completely terrified. “What have I done?”
They requested a proposal and my heart sunk. “Shit.” Maybe I was naive for thinking they might accept but what’s the fun in thinking otherwise? I went all in on this thing starting by googling how to create and submit a proposal to sell something I have no experience doing. I thought the proposal turned out pretty well. It was, at the very least, let’s say… inspiring.
Spoiler alert, they did not accept but it turned into a great story.
Drafting that proposal was probably the most creative thing I had worked on during that year as a whole. And in the end, it was something I was proud of. It was an accomplishment for me even if it didn’t mean anything to anyone else.
So, what does this have to do with my date? I told this man about my sailing photography endeavor. And we laughed, maybe a little too hard. But it was fun and light and perfect. I didn’t feel made fun of in any way, actually quite the opposite. After I shared all of the details of this incredible experience, he responded so kindly. He said, “Well maybe it didn’t happen for you this year but just make a plan for it to happen next year."
And that stuck with me. Not only because someone saw my desire for more beneath my silliness but because I was reminded of the roadmap we all have access to.
If you really want it, you can have it. If I really want this, I can have it.
That’s the truth for every one of us. You can have it. Knowing that and leaning into it is when the path gets revealed. Take little steps even if you don’t know where they’ll lead. Go forward, do something crazy, take a step back, turn right, turn around, turn left.
The path is created as we move and take action.
We can make an infinite amount of mistakes and still get where we want to go. So let us not be afraid. Why would we let fear hold us back when we can see what’s on the other side?
This reminder was just one of the many gifts I’ve received through my experience with online dating. This was one that I’ve held onto for obvious reasons and I’m grateful. It’s time to close that chapter now and I’m looking forward to all that’s to come outside of the apps. To meeting each other serendipitously, to more life, living unedited, wrapped up in the present. To all that is to come.
Maybe one day, I’ll write about all of these other stories I keep talking about. But for now, here’s just a few little nuggets…
If you unknowingly go on a second first date with a guy, is it considered a second date or a first date?
One time, I asked a guy his age during our date when I was sitting across from him and later that evening I got a text saying “Hey I just wanted to let you know I’m actually this other age.” That’s cool and perplexing.
On another occasion, I was planning a date with a guy and during the planning, I got a text saying “Hey just to let you know I don’t speak English.” I appreciated the heads up but again, perplexing.
Lastly, if you invite me to an intimate Italian family dinner and let your grandpa wear a fedora, just know I’m going to be more into him. This is just how it works.
Until next time.
Alexandra