Sometimes you get woken up in the middle of the night with words you have been searching for and praying for in a season like this - last night I woke up to my own mind telling me I had a lot of shit that i've been carrying and because of that, a lot of good has been hidden. The good in me has been suffocated by the negative thoughts that I have given power to. Why do I do that? Once you let those thoughts in, it's incredibly hard to get them out. And they will get out, but not without a fight to acknowledge and believe every worthy, valuable and treasured part about you. Last night, I was woken up by my own mind telling me that I am in a fight; working to uncover the good again and working to bring forward the light again.

A re-discovery of self, in progress.

A burst of freedom.

I am no longer behind the bars of my own mind but instead I realize that I am a woman who knows who she is and remembers where she has been and where she is going. I am a woman who dwells happily in the mystery of life and truly enjoys God. I am a person who enjoys God. I am a person who fights to remember and believe when I have forgotten.

Last night, before I closed my eyes to sleep, I sat with God and our encounter was different. I sat there with my palms up ready to receive something - anything - because I was just done talking, done searching for the answers to questions that beat me up and get me down, done looking for the words and I just sat there telling God that I didn't have any words. But I let my soul rest and my mind rest. And in that moment, I knew. This season - the hurt, the doubt, the loneliness - it doesn't go unnoticed.

In that moment I knew this: I am in a season of working to condition my mind to not sway so easily to believe the negative but to fight and keep steady the positive. It's the fight to return, to come back and to remember who you are that counts.

Alex